That feeling.

D'ya ever get that stupid, silly feeling? The one where... you just stop caring; lose all inhibitions.

Well, right now that is me. Plain and simply put. I have stopped caring about (almost) everything. I decided that it is close to the right time where I start doing things the way I'd like to do them.

And if that means detatching myself from friends and others, well so-be-it. And if it means doing something so totally wild and crazy and unfathomable, well, I'm gonna grit my teeth and bear it.

But on the other hand, that's not like me at all. I'm not one to put myself out there and do something wild and spontaneous. The most spontaneous thing I have ever done was pack up and leave the state for a weekend with two amazing guys that I didn't really even know. (Except for the Horse. Everyone knows him) And I can't even begin to tell y'all how crazy that was; how far removed I was from my comfort zone.

In Yearbook, we're doing this thing; next to each Senior Picture, we're putting down little tid-bits about the person. Every senior had to fill out this sheet of paper; kind of like a survey. One of the questions was "What's your most embarassing moment?". It stumped me. I don't have any. And not because I'm not ashamed of anything I do, but because I'm not silly enough to do stupid things in public. It was so hard for me to answer that.

I went to Youth Group this last Sunday. It was the first time in what- 9 months that I've gone. I thought I was going to be sick. Not because I hated it, but because I get so nervous when I feel out of place, and I felt so out of place there. The best part was hanging out with Kayla and talking with Pikey. (Going to Youngs was fun, too) But... I still felt out of place.

My place is in Small Groups. I am totally in love with my small group (Bruns), and nothing could change that. I've found a niche, and its with the older crowd. I might be 18, but its been a long time since I thought like a teenager. Experiences change people; sometimes for the good, and other times for the bad. I got lucky, I got a full cup of each.

I don't know where I was going with any of this, but I needed to put it out there... Sometimes I get that irrepressible urge to be honest. Sort of spontaneous.

Sort of.